Lambs, the Pompano Beach Inquirer just arrived. Let's read "Dear Daphne"!!!
Dear Daphne,
I am a middle school student living in Troy, Michigan. Our teacher thought we were all a bunch of stupid spoiled brats, so he cooked up this plan for us to feed a bunch of orphans so we would learn to care about others, or whatever.
He said that, if we each contributed just fifteen cents a day for a month, we could feed like this entire village of starving orphans for the rest of their lives or something. The orphans live in...oh, I forget, but it's far away, where brown people live in huts and speak gibberish and don't have any cool bands or hot boys or anything.
I had to be treasurer, so there I was carrying like fifty tons of nickels and dimes around, just dragging my bag by the strap through Somerset Mall, when I saw these really cool shoes! So I bought them! But then I didn't have anything to send to the starving orphans, so I used the empty shoe box and filled it with my little sister's trolls and a couple of our parents' lame Christmas cd's. (Cd's??!? Really??!?) So, I need to send it off to Brown People Land, but what I need to know is, how many stamps do I use? I need an answer as soon as possible, cos I still have to get the money out of my mom's purse and go to the post office.
Thanks for your help!
Not Selfish In Troy
(Daphne's answer next time!)
_______
4 refined remarks:
Ah, I'm cackling. I have seen this person at the local mall, I know, dragging bags of shoes. I didn't know they still even *made* trolls. Mine never had those cute belly button jewels.
What a splendidly caring child, she is. You know, I think they coud use those CDs as mirrors. Which is, if you've ever seen those urchins, er orphans, what they truly need most.... it's all about priorities !
Shockingly funny, and mirrors the attitudes of today's generation to a 'T'.
Oh, and 91 nickels = 1 pound
2000 pounds = 1 ton
50 tons = 9,100,000 nickels
9,100,000 nickels = $455,000
Those sure were some *expensive* shoes! She obviously wasn't shopping at Payless...
I'd like to tell her off and let her know that the people in brown gibberish land are already overrun with trolls (or is it zombies?) and so she just needs to take a photo of the cool shoes she got to e-mail to them even though they probably don't have electricity or the Internet, but that's on them. Why do some people choose not to be born American? It's just goofy. But the truth is she sounds kind of hot and the local middle schools don't let me cruise for chicks anymore, so could you give her my e-mail and let her know that I've got a closet full of girly shoes and she can take her pick if she just swings by and drinks this, um, Kool-aid I made especially for her? Thanks heaps.
P.S. - no fatties, but that goes without saying.
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